Never Again - A Bellarke FanFiction
by sierrajurek
Summary: Bellamy goes after Clarke - set after the season 2 finale
1. Chapter 1

(I do not own the rights to these characters, this is a personal fanfiction story and I receive no payment for it)

It had been 43 hours since Clarke had walked away. "May we meet again," she had said to him. Bellamy laughed humorlessly at the moment, at the tingling feeling that Clarke's lips had left on his cheek after she'd kissed him goodbye. If only she knew that that moment flew through his mind every other thought.

Bellamy understood why she had to leave. Clarke was always the one taking responsibility – always bearing the burden so the rest of them wouldn't have to. He loved that about her, but that didn't keep him from resenting her refusal to let him shoulder some of the burden himself.

His hand had been on the lever the same as hers. They had made the decision together, the decision to kill an entire race of humans to save what remained of the 100. It was as much on his conscience as it was on hers, even if most people believed he didn't have a conscience at all.

He had to be honest with himself, he really _didn't_ have a conscience before he met Clarke. She was his moral compass. She was the one who made him realize that his actions could deeply affect those around him. She made him see his power, and made him want to use it for good. And now he was afraid of who he would become without her.

"What are you doing?" Raven hissed at him as he slipped through the electric wires.

"Going to get our princess back," he replied, without looking at her. It was just after dawn, and Bellamy had brought two rifles, a few knives, and enough rations to last him a week. The weather hinted at the coming winter, so he'd borrowed… well, stolen… a few extra layers from Miller. The day after they'd come home from Mount Weather, he'd led a scouting group back to pick up as many useful materials as they could – including a lot of extra clothing – so Bellamy didn't feel too guilty about the clothes.

"You can't just leave," Raven muttered, "we need you here. Clarke will be fine on her own. And besides, if she doesn't want to be here, you can't force her."

"I won't have to," was all Bellamy said as he walked away into the treeline. Raven shook her head after him. There was no stopping a boy in love.

Bellamy hadn't really thought past this part. It had been too long since Clarke had left, so there weren't any tracks to follow. She hadn't given him any inclination of where she might go, so he went to the first place he thought of: the drop ship.


	2. Chapter 2

(I do not own the rights to these characters, this is a personal fanfiction story and I receive no payment for it)

Clarke had been gone for two days now. Her heart ached for Camp Jaha. She missed Raven's spunk, and the way Monty and Jasper always seemed to know what the other was going to say next. She missed her mom. She even missed Kane. Most of all, she missed Bellamy Blake.

Damn that boy and the way he always tried to protect her. That's the only reason he put his hand on that level at Mount Weather. After all this time, he still looked at her the way he looked at Octavia – like she was his little sister who constantly needed saving. She doubted he had any idea how much she didn't want him to look at her like a sister…

That's part of why she needed to leave. Bellamy had enough to worry about without having to worry about her. If he couldn't trust her to shoulder her own burdens, she couldn't stay there and let him try to help. If she was really being honest with herself, she'd admit that there was more to it than that. She couldn't stand another night of his eyes gazing at her knowing that he would never see her as more than a little girl for him to take care of. Not when she so desperately wanted more from him.

Bellamy wasn't the main reason she left. It was true what she told him: she needed time to come to terms with what had happened at Mount Weather. She was responsible for the murder of more than 300 people. And she was supposed to be a healer…

Clarke was brought out of her reverie as she tripped and fell face-first into the sand. This time of the day – just after dawn – the sand was still cool. She spat specks of sand out of her mouth as she sat up and dusted herself off.

She could see nothing. Absolutely nothing. Jaha had told her about this place. He called it the Dead Zone. It was a fitting name, she thought. Sand dunes sprang up on every side of her, blocking her view, but if they weren't there, Clarke guessed she would be able to see for miles.

She decided to set up camp there for the day. She would walk again once night fell, when it was cooler out and she wouldn't sweat out so much water.

"Setting up camp" consisted of putting up the makeshift tent of a blanket and two sticks. She pulled a ration of deer out of her bag. She'd caught it just a few hours before she hit the dead zone, and packaged most of it up neatly in her bag to carry with her. She ate in silence before slipping off her jacket and rolling it into a makeshift pillow.

The last thing Clarke thought about as she fell asleep was the taste of Bellamy's cheek when she'd kissed him goodbye.


	3. Chapter 3

Bellamy tried not to think as he made his way through the forest. Like the rest of the remaining hundred, he knew these woods like the back of his hand, now. His legs moved automatically in the direction of the dropship; his heart propelled him toward the one place that might help him find his princess.

It took only a few hours for him to find himself standing in front of the dropship door. He moved toward it, aching to see if there was some clue to Clarke's whereabouts inside, but something made him pause. He knew he was not alone here.

At first, he thought that maybe Clarke was inside, curled up in the hammock she once stayed in during the Grounder-led viral attack. But as soon as the thought struck him, he knew he was wrong. Clarke would not have stayed here. As he looked at the rusting, cold, dirty remnant of their former lives, Bellamy was reminded of all that he – that they – had done to keep the hundred alive. And if this place made him remember, he knew it would make Clarke remember, too. No, whoever was inside their former home, it was not the woman he was searching for.

Bellamy didn't have to wonder for long. In the few moments that he had been working everything out in his mind, a familiar face slinked her way past the makeshift-parachute-curtain and stood menacingly in front of him.

"I should have known it would be you to come looking for her," Lexa growled.

"What are you doing here, Lexa? Did… do you know where Clarke is? Was she here? Did she tell you where she was going?" Bellamy couldn't even pretend nonchalance. Lexa looked at him as though he filled her with nothing but disgust.

"I told her once that love is weakness. Look at us, we both came looking for her like some pathetic pets, desperate to earn her affection. Well, she won't give it. We're dead to here. Both of us," she spat.

Bellamy looked at her hard. "Clarke wouldn't say that. Never. No matter how angry she was, she would never abandon me like that."

Lexa laughed, but the sound was anything but humorous. "She didn't abandon _you_ , Skyman. She abandoned _us._ I won't pretend to understand what she sees in you, but it's clear that you love her. The truth is, she doesn't love anyone. When my scouts saw her leaving your camp I followed her. After she destroyed Mount Weather, my alliance fell to pieces. We no longer had a common enemy. Most of them decided that the new enemy would be the Skypeople. I left them, I abandoned my people rather than abandoning Clarke again. I put _her_ before my people, and look where it got me. I'm here, in your stupid spacecraft, alone. Well, not alone…"

Some of the hatred drained out of Lexa's eyes. The sudden change made the hair on Bellamy's neck stand on end. She slinked her way toward him, closing the space between them alarmingly quickly. Before he knew what was happening, Lexa's fingers were on his stomach, pulling his shirt up to touch his abs. Her lips found his before he even registered her touch. She kissed him hard, angrily, as though she was trying to get back at Clarke for whatever she did to her. "Let's see exactly what it is that you do that to our princess scream. Somehow I imagine that she's more vocal with you than she was with me," she hissed as she tore at the buttons of his jeans.

That was enough to snap Bellamy back to reality. He pushed Lexa away, fumbling to button his pants back up. "What the hell?!" he yelled.

Lexa was undeterred. She came at him again, more forcefully. "Come on, Spaceboy. Don't be shy, now. While the princess is away, her pets will play." Bellamy pulled the knife out of the back of his pants' waistband and held it against Lexa's throat.

"Touch me again, and it'll be the last thing you do," he snarled. He had known that Lexa was in love with Clarke. There was no other reason for her unyielding trust. But had Clarke reciprocated that feeling? Had she… _been_ with Lexa?

"What's the matter? Clarke didn't tell you about the kiss we shared? About the way my tongue made her knees weak?" Lexa was clearly enjoying the shock and hurt in Bellamy's eyes.

"She wouldn't," he strained.

"Oh? Why wouldn't she? Did you tell her you love her? Did you give her a reason not to kiss someone else?" Lexa's words rang true through Bellamy's ears. He had no right to be angry… Clarke wasn't his. He dropped the knife from Lexa's throat. Her brows furrowed in surprise. She had instigated a fight so they could both forget about Clarke, both move on, but there wasn't any moving on for the boy in front of her. She suddenly felt something deep in her gut, something that made her very uncomfortable: pity.

"She went out after Jaha and Murphy," Lexa whispered. "To the Dead Zone, looking for the City of Light. She left yesterday morning. She wasn't in much of a rush; if you leave now, you might be able to catch up with her," Lexa said without meeting his eyes. Bellamy stared at the ground for a moment, thinking. Then, without a word, he reached down, picked up his pack, and turned on his heel, off toward the Dead Zone. Off toward his Princess.


	4. Chapter 4

Clarke had been sleeping for a few hours. The Sun was already beginning to slip out of the sky by the time she was awoken by a sudden shouting in the distance.

Her eyes shot open and her hand moved automatically to the knife on her hip. The shouting was getting closer. Clarke knew that there were bandits in the Dead Zone, but after a day of walking, she hadn't come across any, and she thought she had managed to miss them entirely. Apparently not.

Clarke decided to stay quiet under her makeshift tent. If the bandits thought she was unaware of them, at least she'd have the element of surprise. It took Clarke a few moments to realize that the many voices she thought she was hearing was actually just one man, arguing with himself. That was odd, she thought. As the voice got closer, Clarke realized that she recognized it. That was the voice of someone that she had argued with countless times since the dropship crashed. The voice of someone who might have a reason to come looking for her…

Murphy.


	5. Chapter 5

It felt like only moments before Bellamy had made it into the Dead Zone. As he laid eyes on the mountains of sand, the complete desolation in front of him, his entire body screamed for retreat. But he couldn't turn around, not when Clarke was out there somewhere. What if she was hurt? Lost somewhere and dying of dehydration? He knew full-well that she could take care of herself... Clarke was the most self-sufficient woman he had ever known. But even she could have trouble in a place like this...

He steeled his resolve and took off into the vastness, trying to make his mind remember exactly the directions Jaha had told him so long ago, when he first made it back to the camp. He looked at the Sun to orient himself, and made off in a South-Eastern direction.

He walked all through the day and well into the night, stopping only once or twice to force food into his ever-tightening stomach - he had yet to see any sign of Clarke, and the anxiety was mounting on him.

Finally, after too many hours to count, Bellamy found her. Well, what was left of her camp. A torn-up blanket and a few scraps of deer meat. He recognized the blanket - he had seen it many times, piled atop his princess as she slept. He would come into her tent to wake her some mornings, reminding her of a meeting they were supposed to get to or a hunting expedition going out, but he was always caught dead in his tracks by her peaceful expression. He would stand there for a few moments, taking in the slight curve of her lips into a smile as she dreamt, or the flutter of her eyelashes. He always had to resist the urge to brush his fingers across her cheek; he knew that she slept lightly, and she'd wake the moment he touched her.

Seeing that blanket here, in the Dead Zone, torn and ruined, made his heart skip a beat. What had happened to her? Did she leave willingly, or was she taken by the bandits Jaha had described? His mind didn't have much time to run through the terrifying possibilities, because a moment later, he heard the unmistakable sound of Clarke's screams.


	6. Chapter 6

Murphy glanced sideways at Clarke. He was maintaining a safe distance; she'd come willingly with him, but that didn't mean she wouldn't change her mind, and when Clarke changed her mind about something, nothing could change it back. She might be a small, innocent-looking girl, but he wasn't about to take his chances.

He had been on his way back to Camp Jaha to tell the group about what he'd found when he came across Clarke. He had recognized the blanket from 30 yards away, he'd seen it so often around camp. At first, he was sure that Clarke would want to come with him back to the camp. He could imagine her blonde hair bobbing up and down as she snapped questions at him - he hadn't been looking forward to the long walk back to camp with her by his side, but it was better than walking alone. But Clarke had been adamant about not going back to camp. She wouldn't tell him why, she just told him to take her back to the island. So he did.

A few minutes into the hike, Clarke had begun recounting the story about what had happened in the mountain. Her face went stony toward the end, and she looked straight ahead as she told him what she had done. Murphy knew Clarke was capable of a lot - she had stabbed Finn - but he never would have guessed she was capable of killing hundreds of innocent people, even in the name of protecting her people. He felt almost sorry for her; she had such a big conscience, and he could see how deeply her actions were eating away at her. He almost wished he had been there to pull the level instead...

Murphy mentally shook himself. Where had that thought come from? He was spending too much time with these people...


	7. Chapter 7

Clarke was blown away. It was...everything that the old movies and television shows had led Clarke to believe she'd find on Earth. Lavish furniture, warm blankets, painted walls, a sense of comfort and safety that she had never quite found in her life. She sunk into the sofa and let her eyes wander around the room, drinking in every detail she could find.

After she adjusted and the shock had passed, Clarke noticed Murphy staring smugly at her. She was overwhelmed with the sudden urge to slap that smug smile off his face. She settled for an angry glare, which wiped the smile off just as effectively, if less satisfyingly.

"Sorry," Murphy mumbled. "I shouldn't judge, I probably had exactly the same expression when I came in here the first time. It's...a lot to take in."

"Yeah," Clarke replied, "so, why would you want to share it with any of us? You could have had this place all to yourself. You could have stayed here and...none of us would have come looking for you." Clarke did her best to hide the guilt in her voice as she finished talking.

"You're right," Murphy said, "I could have kept this place. I could have left you all out, but apparently I've been spending too much time with the Brave Princess and the Rebel King. I must've grown a stupid conscience or something," he mumbled.

Clarke suppressed a laugh. It was sweet, knowing that even if she had done awful things, at least she had made a good impression on someone. Plus, she kinda liked the nicknames everyone not-so-secretly referred to her and Bellamy by.

Murphy noticed her grin and smiled back at her. It was a nice smile, sincere in a way she had never seen from him before. In fact, it rather reminded her of someone...

"Murphy, what happened to Jaha?"

"I'm right here, Clarke. And I'm so pleased you could join me," slithered a voice behind her.


	8. Chapter 8

It had taken him all night, but Bellamy had finally picked up Clarke's trail. He knew it was Clarke's, he'd spent enough time hunting with her to know exactly the depth of her footprints, the way her right foot was just slightly turned inwards; he couldn't mistake her footprints - but there were a second set walking next to hers.

He had followed them to a body of water, where he noticed a rickety boat near the shore. The sight of the water made him equal parts nervous and excited - it was the largest body of water he'd ever seen, it could even be an ocean. He pushed the boat into the water, threw his pack into it, and waded up to his knees before jumping into the boat.

He rowed for a while but, realizing that he didn't really even know where he was rowing to, he gave up. Bellamy laid back in the boat and stared up at the sky, taking in the sight of the dawn breaking above his head.

By the time the boat finally sloshed up on a rocky beach, Bellamy had used up most of his water supply. As he pulled the boat up on the shore, he realized how grateful he was to be on dry land - on Earth land. Floating across the water had felt strangely like being back on the Ark, and he had no desire to feel that again anytime soon.

Bellamy looked around and took stock of the island in front of him. There were trees, but not many. The island seemed deserted, but appeared to have been well-kept at some point. Pulling his pack on, Bellamy set his shoulders and made off into the tangle of trees.

It wasn't long before Bellamy came across a building. A real building, one that wasn't half-destroyed or decaying from the surrounding overgrowth. He had to stop to stare for a moment, taking it all in before he noticed the lights shining from the windows, and in one of the windows, he could see the unmistakable blonde hair of the woman he loved, and the equally unmistakable sight of her shoulders heaving in silent sobs - even in the worst, most painful moments, she held it together. Clarke never cried. And in that moment, Bellamy didn't care who or what was making her sob like that, all he knew is that they'd be the ones crying when he got his hands on them.


End file.
